Q:My husband has successfully turned a small farm implement shop into a major commercial outlet. He makes a lot of money every year but he does not keep it. He has given thousands of dollars to his two sisters and brother, none of whom worked that much and did anything to help my husband when he was struggling to build his business.
When I asked my husband about it, he said that he feels guilty about making so much money and that he does not deserve it. He would rather go broke giving everything away than enjoy his success. Does that make any sense? What can I do to help him?
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A:My guess is that he is struggling with a fear of success. All of us know people who are afraid to do anything in case they fail but it does not stop there.
Some people are so afraid of being successful that they will deliberately sabotage themselves so they fail.
Fourth year university students have been known not to study for their last set of final exams so that they do not have to graduate. Aspiring young businesspeople will miss job interviews to avoid the promotions they say they want.
Farmers who have made a few dollars may find themselves leaving spring seeding until it is too late for them to get another successful crop in the fall.
We do not have statistics on how many people are struggling with the fear of success but we know that it is more common than we realize.
Instead of recognizing and appreciating the hard work they put into building a project, people fearing success believe that they have been lucky and are often surprised when they start reaping the benefits of their labours.
If your husband is struggling with the fear of success, you need to spend more time talking to each other.
He needs to remember how he opened his shop early in the morning and worked long days and through the supper hour. He needs to check his books to see how he supported others when he saw that they were struggling to make payments. Then he will know he deserves to be successful.
Your husband needs to walk tall. Through his success, he can help others realize that being successful is both possible and desirable.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
