Q: I used to look forward to the fall, clusters of geese gathering about to prepare for their magnificent journey, the colours sifting through the trees with the coming frost. But I do not enjoy the fall anymore. The problem is my husband.
Every year he gets more tense and anxious about harvest. He puts in long hours to get his crop off, sometimes he is working 20 hours a day. You would think that he would look forward to a little time off when it rains, or when he cannot be out in the fields. But he doesn’t. He paces the floor at home, is agitated at night and is generally as cranky around the house as he is out on the fields.
Read Also
Communication key to bridging generation gap
Each generation is shaped by the predominant forces at play during their formative years. Acknowledging these influences can improve communication among the generations.
I run out meals and drive the truck whenever I can, but that is never enough for him, and he usually finds some reason to be cross with me. It is not fun anymore. I try to get him to relax but when I ask him to slow down to take it easy, he just gets angrier.
A: I think that everyone who lives on the Prairies knows the importance of the fall harvest. The quality of the crop goes a long way to determining the financial outlook for the coming year for many farmers. For some, the crop may be the last chance to work with the bankers and save the farm. Most people on the farm get a little nervous during the harvest, and most make the extra effort, working long hours and struggling to keep going as long as they can.
Having said that, your husband sounds like he is taking it to an extreme. He is letting his preoccupation with the harvest get in the way of his family life a little too much. He needs to learn to take a few moments for time-outs for his mental health, and yours, and for accident prevention. Those of us who have been in health care know that some of the most devastating accidents hit during harvest, when people working the machines are more tired and tense than usual.
Telling your husband to relax is not going to work. If anything, it will just make him more tense. He needs to learn to take breaks that last only a few moments, and do not therefore interfere with his responsibilities. He also needs to learn to settle down when he gets an opportunity for more rest and sleep. He needs to learn to do all of this at a quieter time, other than harvest.
Relaxation is a skill and must be learned and mastered through continual practice. Tiger Woods did not walk onto the fairway and learn to hit the ball when he was in the middle of a golf tournament. He practised in the off season. In your husband’s case, he might practise the art of relaxing through deep breathing exercises for five or 10 minutes daily during his off season. Then he might be comfortable enough with the exercises that he will be able to use them during the stress of harvest.
As for you, I hope that you will try to get back into that appreciation you have for the natural magic of the fall. You need a time-out too, and what could be more relaxing than watching a huge flock of geese flying overhead when you are working long hours during harvest?
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan who has taught social work at two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.
