Rapport key to successfully working with counsellor

Q: After many years of frustration and disappointments, our son is finally going to counselling to try to sort out some of the problems he has experienced throughout his life. We are very happy that he is finally getting help. He is only 23. He has a lot of time to change things around and get going in a more positive direction.

The only problem is that he is not fussy about his counsellor. He has only been to three sessions but he thinks that is enough for a start. Something should be happening. It isn’t. He tells me that his counsellor does not seem to understand him and he would rather not go to any more sessions with him.

Read Also

Half million acres of Alberta crops affected by massive hail storm

Late August hail storm catches farmers in prime harvest mode, damaging half million acres of crops in Alberta.

We do not know what to do. Should we encourage him to stick it out with his current counsellor or should we shop around for a different one?

A: I am not sure why your son is going for counselling. If he is going because he has been forced to go, either through a probation order from the courts, a condition of continued employment in his job or because he is trying to please his parents, he might resent having to go and is using his disappointment with the counsellor as an excuse to get out of it.

If that is the case your best option is to stay out of it and let him and his counsellor figure it our for themselves.

Often as not when people sign in for counselling against their will, they will come around and begin to appreciate the support they find in the counselling office. You would not want to do anything that might interfere with that as a possibility for your son.

If, on the other hand, your son has volunteered on his own to go for counselling because he seriously wants to make some significant changes in his life and the counsellor is not meeting his expectations, you might want to listen to him.

Research tells us that those who have a sense that their counsellors are in tune with both their feelings and personal concerns tend to benefit the most from counselling.

The key to good counselling is not as much the distinct wisdom of the counsellor as it is the rapport the counsellor is able to establish with his clients. Things work better when everyone gets along with at least a modicum of respect for each other.

Because your son is not comfortable with his counsellor, he might consider finding a different one. Counsellors are no different than are other people in our lives. Some of them will connect with us, others will not. You might want to find one who can connect with your son.

I hope that your son will talk about his misgivings with his counsellor and ask the counsellor to help him find a different resource. Most counsellors will do what they can to support their clients who want to transfer elsewhere.

If your son’s counsellor absolutely refuses to help him and he does not appear to have a reasonable reason for doing so, you and your son need to seriously consider finding other resources for your son on your own.