Q: I am a little embarrassed for my son. He is a big, strapping 15-year-old kid, who stands six-foot-two, weighs 182 pounds, plays football, hockey and helps his dad around the farm.
He is big guy. But he is afraid of spiders. I’ve wondered about him for years but until a few days ago he kept his fear of spiders a secret. He was almost crying when he told me. It is that bad. Now I do not know what to do. Please, for my son’s sake, how can I help him?
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A: For starters, you do not need to be embarrassed for your son. The fear of spiders is called arachnophobia and it is fairly common.
In surveys conducted a few years ago, 30.5 percent of those asked said that they were afraid of spiders. That is a huge number. In the same survey 74 percent of the people said that they were afraid of public speaking, 68 percent said that they were afraid of dying. The fear of spiders was the third highest.
What is interesting is that people who are afraid of spiders tend to exaggerate. Where you and I might see a little ball of fuzz, your son and others like him, see a creature much bigger than it really is, with tentacles that are terribly ferocious and which is indestructible. If you and I saw the same spider your son is seeing we might be also frightened.
You can help your son by signing him on with a behavioural psychologist, someone who is skilled in sensory desensitization. The psychologist will help him learn to relax when he is dealing with a spider and of course once your son is relaxed he will be more likely to see the spider for the vulnerable insect it really is.
Do not belittle your son. His fears are real to him. If he thinks that you are mocking him he will withdraw and may decide to skip his appointment with the psychologist.
Why don’t you make spiders a project for you and your son? You and he could study them. Research as much information as you can find on your computer, read nature books from the public library, watch spiders as they weave cobwebs around your windowpanes and talk to each other daily about what you are learning.
People with phobias seldom know much about the sources of their fears. They let the emotional dynamics of their neurological systems run interference with their intellectual abilities. Their fears stop their learning.
Spiders are fascinating little creatures. You and your son could have a great time together learning about them, and in doing so you may well be helping him keep his emotional reactions to spiders in check. At least then his fears would not be overwhelming for him.
Of course the question with which I am always left throughout all of this is whether or not Peter Parker, the super hero in Marvel Comics Spider-Man, is also afraid of spiders. What do you think?
