Most of us have heard of the prodigal son, the Bible story about a young man who left the family home, only to return after his
exploits in the world failed.
Today’s story might well be that of the prodigal daughter. The daughter, usually an adolescent, is searching for some kind of personal freedom. She leaves the home in defiance but stays close enough to the community to cause considerable anguish for her parents.
They know they cannot do much to bring their daughter home. Neither can the police nor social service agencies, especially if she is older than 16.
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When I am working with families whose daughters have left in an impulsive moment, I encourage the parents to keep in touch with the girls. Once-weekly lunches are reasonable, perhaps regular sessions with family therapists, Sunday suppers or whatever. The point is to make them regular. Moms and dads need to use those times to find out what their daughters are doing, to uncover the dreams they are pursuing, and to share with them news from home. If they use the time
together to try to talk their daughters into returning home, they risk further alienation.
The odds are good that the daughters will return. But when they come home they still have chores to do and they have to respect the rules of the house. If they are going to rid themselves of those dreaded curfews or the naggings to get homework done, they have to earn their freedom.
Parenting is difficult. What is often overlooked is that being an adolescent is also difficult. Our children have to make choices unheard of in previous generations. They may not always admit it, but they sometimes make bad choices.
Regardless of the decisions they make our children need the support and love of their parents.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan who has taught social work at two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.
