Q: We visited my son, his wife and their new baby last week. It was scary. The house was a mess, our daughter-in-law seemed depressed and our new grandson is clearly not getting the care he needs. Our son works all day, then comes home to look after the baby all night. He is exhausted. Even from work, he is checking with his wife to remind her to feed and change the baby.
When I tried talking to my son, he brushed me off. He said his wife has the baby blues and they will pass. I have had the baby blues along with most of my friends. This is more than that but I am not sure what to do about it.
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A: It sounds like you and your son should determine if your daughter-in-law is struggling with post-partum depression. One in seven new moms will be challenged with this condition.
Fortunately, help is available but the problem is getting new moms to their physician to get the help they need. Some are too embarrassed to talk to anyone.
Moms caught up in post-partum depression know that they are not loving and caring for their child as they could be but try to deny it and do not want to talk about it.
Once you get your daughter-in-law to talk to her physician about what is going on, the rest is relatively straightforward. Unlike other forms of depression, post-partum is relatively short term. A little medication and a few sessions with a mental health counsellor should help her resolve it.
Until then, be extra sensitive. Don’t judge or criticize her. Your daughter-in-law is feeling bad enough. Your best bet is to help out as much as she will let you, both with child care and housework.
Let her know that you care about her so much that you would be willing to do whatever you can to en-courage her to visit her doctor.
