Q: We are concerned about our 15-year-old son these days. He is in Grade 10, or so we think, but with all of the accommodations being made by the schools to the coronavirus these days, we are not sure what grade he is in.
Maybe that is the problem. We are not certain. Whatever it is, he is one sad boy, sitting around the house, not doing much of anything and getting obviously impatient with both of us and his younger sisters.
I know that young people have been discouraged from gathering in large groups these days for fear of spreading the virus, but all of us expect our kids to have at least a few moments with their friends and if not in person then most likely plugging up the lines on their cellphones.
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Not so, our boy. He talks to almost no one, and when he has a few moments with one of his group he is short and quick to pull back from the contact almost immediately.
We have taken our boy to see our family physician to see if medication might not be a bit of support for him but the doctor backed off. He said he does not want to prescribe until he is certain that he knows what he is dealing with.
Our doctor is not convinced that our son is depressed and has referred us on to a psychiatrist to make sure that he is properly diagnosed.
My question is if it is not depression, what is it? But even better, what can we do to help our boy? This whole thing is hurting all of us. We want something better to be happening for our son.
A: Let’s begin this discussion by better appreciating how complicated and involving depression is.
Depression is a psychiatric disorder. It is not one that is easily remedied. We can, with proper medication and long-term counseling support, help people who are depressed lead normal lives but we cannot cure depression.
It is a neurological disorder that comes and goes pretty much at will throughout many people’s lives. Some people have learned how to deal with their depression effectively and, as I said, they tend toward normality throughout their life journeys. Others struggle a bit, some more than others and many wallow in personal despair through which they see little light at the end of their tunnels.
Depression often appears to be like the kind of thing you might find in a person who is simply discouraged. Let’s face it, 15-year-old people these days are not looking at a world that is as bright and welcoming as it once was.
If nothing else, this virus is knocking the wind out of most of their sails, and has brought about a sudden crash in the economy. The present situation could be weighing heavily on those kids.
If your son is simply discouraged, or even if he is struggling with a touch of depression, you might turn to the tenets of positive psychology to support him.
Positive psychology looks at a person from the other side. It does not zero in on perpetual problems or personal pathology. It looks at the character of a person, at those personal traits and attributes that open the door to a life of purpose and meaning.
Just think of all of the personal attributes that any of us might have that spawn significance to ourselves — intelligence, high energy, the ability to make commitments, the ability to focus, the ability to challenge ourselves, the ability to listen to others, the capacity to love one another.
The list is long. Talk to your boy, build some kind of personal inventory based on the characteristics of positive psychology, and over time watch him progress.
If he is seriously depressed it, with his medication, will open some doors of opportunity for him he thought did not exist.
If he is not depressed and mostly discouraged, chances are great that he will slip out from his preoccupation with failure and engage the rewards of daily living.
