Q: A friend of mine transferred her children from their local school to a neighbouring school. She did this in the belief that the school would eventually close due to declining enrolment. They are now in a larger school attendance area with more options. And travel time is less. Since she pulled her children from the school, more students left, for the same reasons or others.
This issue became an extended family issue. My friend’s father resented the move. Tensions grew. The family has not been together for holiday celebrations for a long time. This is hard on the grandmother. She is caught in the middle of a feud between her daughter and her
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A: The best way you can help is to arrange for visits between the grandmother and her daughter and grandchildren. If the grandmother doesn’t drive, offer to take her there.
Phone your friend and tell her that how she and her father handle the issue is their decision, but it is not fair to have her mother and children caught in the middle.
The longer that people cling to hard feelings, the longer other members of the family suffer. It is not an issue of who is right or who is wrong. The daughter made a decision about their children’s schooling and it was one the parents thought was best at that time.
Holding a grudge against a family member doesn’t help since you are placing yourself in a position of moral authority over them. Who has the right to judge? Who can prove that a decision was so horrible that it should keep family members apart.
Each party holding the grudge needs to look in a mirror, have a good talk with himself or herself and decide to put family harmony and relationships ahead of winning over the over person. Nobody wins in these situations.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www.sasktelwebsite.net/petecope.
