Q: I am not sure what to do about my son. He struggles to get his homework done. I told him that I would buy him two tickets for a concert in the city if he did his homework faithfully for two weeks. He just about made it. I did not get a call from the school complaining about his homework until well into the second week. He thinks that I should still give him at least one ticket for the concert for the good work that he did. I say that a deal is a deal. What do you think?
Read Also
Stock dogs show off herding skills at Ag in Motion
Stock dogs draw a crowd at Ag in Motion. Border collies and other herding breeds are well known for the work they do on the farm.
A: The mistake you made, which is one a number of parents make, is that you gave your son an all-or-nothing proposition. That puts you in a bind. You cannot reward him for the work he did without going back on your word. At the same time you likely want to reward him for the homework that he finished. It is difficult.
An alternative to the all-or-nothing proposition is to acknowledge each night that he does his homework. Give him a point for the night that he works. When he gets 10 points, regardless of how many nights it actually took him, you can buy him two tickets for the concert. If he only has eight points, but still wants to go to the concert, you can buy one ticket for him. For seven points he might get a rental movie and two bags of chips. For five points, he can have a sleep over in town.
The alternative I suggest gives you the opportunity to reward your son for what he has achieved without compromising your original intent, which was to encourage him to make more of an effort at school.
In many ways the alternative is similar to the ways in which the world works. If I go into town to work at a dealership, but I quit my job there after working for only four days, the manager of the dealership still has to pay me for those four days. He might be mad at me for quitting so soon, but he still has to give me four days worth of wages. But he does not have to pay me for the fifth day, just as you should not reward your son for the days in which his school assignments are not completed.
By the way, I like your emphasis on rewards. Our studies tell us that young people respond more favourably to rewards than they do to punishments. Kids who have been punished too much for not finishing their assignments are not only likely to continue not doing their work, they are more likely to quit school all together.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan who has taught social work at two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.
