Q:I really enjoy being with my wife and two small sons. One of my goals is to be a good dad and to be a better parent than my father was with me. But sometimes I am not sure of myself and I wonder what it is that I could be doing that will help me be a better dad. What do you think?
A:The fact that you enjoy being with your wife and boys tells me that you are already on your way to becoming a good father. But no one can be the perfect parent at all times.
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Parents often berate themselves because they had a moment of impatience, didn’t listen to their children’s concerns or did not know or understand what was going on with the kids.
It opens the door for their children to make mistakes, but to be human also. Neither children nor parents should have to over achieve or do something special to be loved. All of us should be loved for being who we are.
If you want to become a good dad, roll up your sleeves and play with your boys. Play is more than just play for children. Kids learn from play and you can have tremendous input into what they are learning.
You and your boys can indulge in imaginary play. In later life, that same creativity will help them problem solve when life’s challenges present themselves.
Play is one of the few places in life where children can practise their social skills.
They learn about what feelings they and other people have that can help them understand and get along with others or what gets in the way of good social relationships.
Playtime is there for your boys to develop some sense of emotional self-regulation. All of us have to deal with our emotions, at times controlling either excitement or anger that could otherwise get us into trouble.
The more your boys can learn how to properly express their feelings and control outbursts that could potentially hurt themselves or others while opening their hearts to the affection and caring offered, the more likely it is that they will have successful relationships when they mature.
I encourage you to forgive your own dad for whatever shortcomings he had. It will allow you to feel better about yourself and what a good lesson in forgiveness it could teach your two young boys.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
