Missing the grandkids

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Q: We have three children, two of whom are married and have three children of their own. One of our daughters lives 20 minutes away from us, the other lives farther away. One daughter is making life stressful for us. She seems to be more involved with her in-laws than she is with us. I was not invited to the shower they had for my granddaughter and we miss out on most Christmases and other major events. That hurts. What can we do so that my daughter and her family will treat us with a little more respect and allow us time with our grandchildren?A: I support relationships between grandparents and grandchildren. Grandparents bring with them family tradition and heritage, enriching their grandchildren’s lives and giving them the security and support they need to build confidence.Unfortunately, moms and dads do not always appreciate the contributions grandparents make to their children. My sense is that seniors living in today’s world do not get as much respect as they did in the past.The good news is baby boomers are about to become senior citizens. They brought in positive changes from newer and better schools, with more qualified teachers to government student loans. Workers’ benefits, health care and the standard of living improved and women’s rights took big strides forward. As they move into their senior years, perhaps they will resurrect respect for the elderly.Until then, I would encourage you to keep your personal integrity and self worth in tact. You may not get to spend as much time as you would like with your grandchildren but those few moments are precious, not just for you, but for them.Children learn by modelling themselves after their favourite adults. The more you act as a worthy person, the more that they will model you and learn about self dignity.Your grandchildren are more likely to want to spend time with you if they see you respect yourself.Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.