Q: Mealtime is a nightmare in our house. We have three children, ages 10 and under, usually one of whom will not eat what has been prepared. When my husband and I try to force the issue and get the kids to clean up their plates, we get stuck in those infamous power struggles where we lose and end up feeling guilty. We resort to junk foods, their favourites, to buy the kids off and make peace with them. What can we do?
A: No one can look at the alarming rate of childhood obesity in today’s world without wanting a better outcome for children. Unfortunately, that is putting a level of tension and conflict on the kitchen table between parents and children that is equally disturbing.
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Parents have two jobs at mealtime. The first is to put wholesome and healthy foods on the table for the children to eat.
The second is to make sure the kids are at the table when the meals are being served. After that, everything is open to negotiation. You can encourage your children to eat but you cannot force the issue. The last thing you want is for the nutritious food to become a battleground.
Your children are more likely to eat if they are relaxed and enjoying the meal. Praise and reward their daily activities during the meal so they are more likely to enjoy the whole thing. The more you and your husband are enjoying the meal yourselves, the more they will model your behaviour. If you can ignore their petty comments, the less you will have to put up with them in the future.
If your children do not eat what is on the table, they are going to start looking for snacks moments after the dishes are cleared. This is the moment that tests your mettle as a parent. Junk food is an issue between meals.
When your children start asking for food, you might say no to them and remind them that they had every opportunity to enjoy good food served on the table earlier. Most parents cannot do that, even though they think they should.
The other option is to make sure that the snacks they have between meals are found in Canada’s Food Guide. In other words, be prepared to give them the right stuff.
My guess is that you and your children are in a bit of a rut. If you break off from your usual patterns and quit trying to force your kids to eat, you will at first be disappointed.
You need to stick with the plan. If you do, you will find the nightmare at your kitchen table will disappear and be replaced with great memories of family times together.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan who has taught social work at two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.
