Q: Before my husband and I got married, we lived together for a year after dating for two years before that. Small problems soon turned into big ones while we lived together.
I decided we needed a break to see what our problems were. We spent about a week apart and felt helpless without each other, so we decided to get back together.
Soon after, I found out I was pregnant. We had already made plans to get married previously but we rushed our plans mainly because I had no health
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insurance.
We have been married for four months. I am now eight months
pregnant.
Our marriage is going downhill. He has no time to talk to me about my
insecurities of our marriage or relationship in general. When he finally does talk, he gets mad and shuts me out.
He will not make love to me unless it’s convenient for him and whenever that is he hurries to get it over with.
I told him that I didn’t feel like he was there for me emotionally or physically.
He said that I wanted a baby, he gave me one, and I wanted to get married so he did it. He told me not to ever say that he’s done nothing for me.
I don’t want my marriage to fail, but I don’t want him to feel like he has to stay in something that makes him miserable.
A: I question if you have a marriage because there seems to be a lack of personal and emotional commitment.
Getting married and raising a family requires two people who are willing to show consideration and caring to each other. Marriages fail when both parties are unwilling to do this.
See a counsellor and get legal advice soon, as I suspect you may end up raising a child alone within an unhealthy marriage.
When two people feel helpless without each other, it often means they are leaning on each other, expecting the other person to hold them up emotionally.
Even if couples choose to live together first, they need to understand what they are getting into. I doubt if you and your husband received any preparation about what to expect and what is needed in a healthy relationship.
The problems will only get bigger unless each of you gets counselling on this.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www.sasktelwebsite.net/petecope.
