We hear a lot about anger management these days. Hollywood even made a movie about it.
You would think that being angry was right up there with cancer, depression or one of the other fatal illnesses. It is not. Anger is just one of those normal and natural feelings that all of us get when life is not going in a direction we would like it to go.
Anger isn’t the problem. The problem is how we deal with those feelings.
Dealing with anger means understanding and appreciating what anger is about. I like to think that anger is protective energy. In times of peril, we need the energy anger gives us, either to fight what is making life miserable for us or to help us run away from it.
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Imagine yourself wandering through the African plains or Indian jungle when you are suddenly confronted by a lion or tiger that wants to attack you. Whether you choose to fight or to run away, you need to have extra energy.
The problem is that when we get frustrated or impatient with whatever is bothering us, we also get angry, even though the irritation is not necessarily threatening us.
The energy we get from being angry is a nuisance. It may even cause other problems for us.
Few of us can think clearly when we feel overwhelmed by the energy our anger has caused.
We say or do things without properly considering the consequences of our behaviour. Think about it. How many times in the heat of anger have you said something you later regretted?
How many times have you done something for which you were bound to feel sorry?
Anger management means dealing with that excess energy you are carrying. Some people are able to calm themselves down when they are mad. Meditation or relaxation exercises help them.
Other people go for a walk, exercise or do just about anything they can to work off the extra energy, including shedding a few tears.
Still others escape to the solitude of another room, maybe even another place. If something is really bothering you, you can do all three.
Once the energy has gone and you feel more settled, you can go back to the issue that got you riled up in the first place.
I know people who have a 24 hour rule. They do not go back to whatever it was that upset them until sometime the next day.
Often as not, when they do go back, it does not look as bad.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor, living and working in west-central Saskatchewan who has taught social work for two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com
