Freelance Columnist
opinion
Q:I met a man at a single’s dance a while ago. He showed interest in me but he won’t break ties with his old friends.
The first time we went to a dance he said, “just because I’m going to the dance with you doesn’t mean I’m not going to dance with M… (his former girlfriend).” And he did! He also flirts constantly with other women. Then after, he’ll phone me and ask “how’s my best girlfriend?” What a rat!
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I’ve always been good to him. But he doesn’t show me much affection. I’ve done nothing to deserve his lack of respect. Other women warned me he ran around.
We’re both in our 70s and both divorced. I was married over 40 years, although separated for a good part of that. My husband always put me last. He isolated me on the farm, spending more time with his relatives than me. I worked more than him on the farm, but never saw any money from our grain or cattle. I raised our family almost on my own, getting money from selling eggs, shipping cream and raising poultry.
I’ve been alone for several years, but I’m disappointed and depressed. Due to living an isolated life on the farm, I have no friends. So how can I make friends without going to single dances? I need a friend and companion I can trust. Is there any solution to my problem? I live on my own on a farm. I won’t go to an old folks home. I’m too independent.
A:Friendship and companionship are important for us all. It’s not hard to find so-called friends. But it can be difficult to find true friends, and your male friend may not be one. However, you want to be needed, and because of this, you may be putting up with behaviors from him you shouldn’t.
You don’t have to put up with abuse, whether verbal (such as personal put-downs) or emotional (such as ignoring you, failing to appreciate what you do). Tell your friend clearly what you expect from a friendship. If he can’t or won’t give you this, then look for another friend.
Little privacy
I realize it can be difficult to develop new friendships in rural communities. Many older people move away when they retire. Some widows or widowers are reluctant to get involved emotionally. And of course, personal privacy is almost non-existent.
If being on the farm is important to you, stay there. And since you have a car, plan regular trips to the larger towns around you. Visit people, perhaps former neighbors or friends, who may have moved into self-contained senior citizen housing.
By doing volunteer work in these towns, such as at the hospital, you can meet many new friends. Let your women friends know you are interested in meeting appropriate male friends. And don’t give up on the dances. You have to choose and select carefully there, but many close and long-lasting relationships have been made at them.
I’m putting together a new package of material on loneliness which will soon be available from Sunrise Specialty Books 2727 – 2nd Avenue W., Prince Albert, S6V 5E5, phone 306-764-2242.
