Q: I seem to be making a number of bad decisions. I spend my money impulsively, I go out when I should be home and I yell at my kids when they do not deserve it. At the moment, my job is in jeopardy, my marriage is a wreck and I am miserable. What can I do to turn this around and start to live more reasonably?
A: Admitting that you are making bad decisions is an important first step. Usually people making bad decisions blame others for their problems.
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The key behind good decisions are how they are made. Good decision making happens when you let the thinking part of your brain kick into action. Bad decisions are made when you let your emotions drive you into impulsive choices or actions before thinking things out.
The unfortunate reality is that thinking rationally when you are involved in intense emotion is almost impossible. That is why we encourage married couples to calm down before they continue discussing sensitive issues that are hurting their relationships.
To make good decisions, pose four questions each time you are inclined to make a snap decision.
The first question to ask is what are the consequences to you, both good and bad, should you follow through on inclinations. Spending $20 on something cute but useless might be fun for the moment, but it could take away from your grocery budget.
Then ask yourself what the good and bad consequences are of your decision to those important to you. Maybe your children will not mind if you are late coming home or maybe they will be upset. That is what you have to decide.
Question No. 3 is how will you feel about yourself after you have made your decision? If you are going to feel guilty when you get home, it is not worth being impulsive.
Finally, ask how other people will look at you if you follow through on an impulsive inclination. All of us want to be loved and respected by our families and friends. Usually we have to work for that love and respect. If the decision you are about to make is going to reflect badly on your character, then you have to wonder if all of the work you have previously invested into building trusting relationships is going to be strong enough to withstand a momentary lapse in judgment.
Of course, even if you follow a logical process to good decision making, not all decisions you make are going to work out. Sometimes you will make mistakes and may have to change your mind. But if you follow the route to more rational thinking, you will find it easier to make corrections.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan who has taught social work at two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.
