Q: I have what I think is the most beautiful girlfriend in the world. She is great. I really love the time we have when we are together.
I think that she does as well. At least that is what she says and by looking at everything she does for me, I am confident that we have a mutually enjoyable thing going for us.
But we have a bit of a problem. Both of us are terribly ambitious. I want to take on the family farm. She wants to work her way up the corporate ladder.
Read Also
Nutritious pork packed with vitamins, essential minerals
Recipes for pork
Recently, she was offered an executive position on the board of a real estate developmental firm in Vancouver. She cannot turn down what is the chance of a lifetime for her. She is moving to Vancouver.
But neither can I turn down our family farm. This, too, is an opportunity for me that is too good to ignore. My dad and I have already commissioned our lawyers to help me buy out my brothers and sisters and leave me with the full farm to take on two or three years down the road when my dad retires.
I am going to stay on the farm: she is moving to Vancouver. We either have to break up or look at a long-distance relationship.
Breaking up is too hard — we do not want to lose what is great for both of us.
We are opting for the long-distance thing. But this is new for us, actually for anyone else in either of our families. We are not sure what to do. Do you have any suggestions to help us make this work?
A: You and your girlfriend seem to have a tremendous amount of respect for each other, and for your individual dreams.
The way I see things, that respect is the foundation for any relationship. If you lose that, you lose each other and it won’t matter if she lives in Vancouver or moves next door. It will still be over.
I hope that you will always admire her, that you will always encourage her to pursue her dreams and that you will do what you can to help her. Would it be too much to ask for the same from her for you?
Long-distance relationships are built on communication. What could be more pleasant for both of you than to wake up to an early morning call to greet the day and say “I love you.”
But don’t overdo it. You do not need to phone your girlfriend every time you run into an interesting little tidbit during the day. Neither does she need make a continuous phone call that runs throughout your entire day. Remember that she is in Vancouver to pursue a dream, just as you are pursuing your dream working on the farm. Both of you need down time away from each other to continue your roads to success. Don’t crowd yourselves.
You also need time together, and the more you are able to structure your lives so you have those precious weekends together, complemented with yearly cruises or other togetherness journeys, the better it is.
A weekend on the farm might be as much fun for her as will be the flight to Vancouver for you. Things do not always work out but if you want to be together you will find ways to make it happen.
Finally, remember that her life is your life, just as your life is her life. Make sure that you have a den or room or something in the Vancouver house that is distinctly yours. The same holds true in reverse — make sure that your girlfriend has a personal flavour on the farm.
Somewhere along the way, you and your girlfriend may choose to have a family of your own. You may have to take on other family responsibilities, looking after one or more of your parents. You might have to look after each other if one or both of you take on an unexpected disability.
Although at face value, added responsibilities might seem to be overwhelming for a distance relationship, in fact they aren’t. If you communicate with each other, show mutual respect, and pursue your dreams, even the most challenging task will struggle toward resolution.
