Q: My dad was a drunk, as was his dad before him, and likely as was his dad before him.
I think that I have broken the cycle. With great help from my mom and one of my now deceased aunts, I learned to deal with alcohol in more rational ways.
My problem is that I did not have a dad when I was growing up. My dad had a love affair with bottles of whiskey and that meant that he had no time for me. There was no role model, and absolutely no chance for me to learn how to deal with my own children.
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I have a boy who is seven years old and a girl who is nine. I do not have alcohol getting in my way, but I nonetheless shy away from spending time with the kids.
My wife is concerned. She says that if I do not start to get some kind of a relationship with each of them, they will not be there for me when I get older.
I would like to be a good dad, but I simply do not know what to do. Can you help me?
A: Congratulations for breaking the alcohol abuse cycle.
Although your mom and aunt may have helped you, the bottom line is that you did it yourself and that is commendable.
Despite what is said in books on child care, the bottom line is that kids for the most part raise themselves.
The greatest influence you have on your children is not drawn from what you say, but from what you do. You can, for example, preach self-discipline to your children but that is not nearly as influential as them watching you defy your family history.
You are a living example for them of what is possible and when they model your self-determination, they will have already taken a major step toward maturity.
Enjoy your children as much as you can. Your kids are at a great age.
They are likely interested enough in the world to want to learn what is going on through visits to museums and the playground.
Listen to your kids, have fun exploring the world with them and keep your personal integrity intact and you and your kids will do just fine.
