Q: I must say that I am somewhat disappointed in my daughter. She and her husband are choosing not to have children. Both of them have great jobs, they live in a beautiful house and they appear to have no financial problems. If anyone could afford a family, they could. But the two of them agree that they enjoy being with each other and they believe that a family would take away from their times together. I think that they are just being selfish and, of course, I want to be a grandma again. What do you think?
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A: Your daughter and her husband are not alone. According to the 2011 census figures in Canada, 44.5 percent of couples are without children. Only 39.2 percent of couples have families.
The figures include those couples whose children have grown and left home so they are misleading, but there are many young couples choosing not to have families of their own.
Research articles from the United Kingdom suggest that young couples without children have more satisfying relationships than do couples with children.
The demands on parents raising children in a child-orientated society are high. Many parents do not have the time to enjoy intimacy with each other and a marriage struggles without intimacy.
But a life without children may not have the long-term benefits that your daughter is expecting. Those same studies in England found that women with children, regardless of their marital status, were more satisfied with life than women without children.
The implication is clear. As much as your daughter and her husband enjoy their times together, not having children puts them at risk for missing that opportunity to feel that their lives have greater purposes.
That is clearly something for your daughter to consider before she makes her final decision.
If the couple changes their mind and starts a family, they might take a look at those studies from England and make a concerted effort to spend time alone, without the kids, to recommit their intimacy to each other.
Date night, where moms and dads go out alone and together, are important.
