Q: For the past few months, I have been dating a wonderful woman from the city. I really enjoy our time together. The problem is that I would like to take our relationship one step further and either move in together or perhaps get married. She grew up on the farm and appears to enjoy spending time in the country.
But whenever I suggest getting together with her, she keeps putting me off. She says she needs more time. My question is, how much time does she need, or is her reluctance a signal that she and I will never get together permanently?
Read Also
Sask. ag group wants strychnine back
The Agricultural Producers Association of Saskatchewan has written to the federal government asking for emergency use of strychnine to control gophers
A: You need to understand that in most new relationships one person is often more interested in quickly moving to intensity before the other one is.
Impatient ones are often the men, who struggle more with their emotions than women.
Your feelings for this woman ARE creating some emotional confusion. You hope by getting a solid commitment she will not disappear and leave you hurting and distraught.
Chances are that she is feeling as intense about your relationship as you are. The difference is that she is not overwhelmed by it and able to carry on despite those feelings.
She does not need a marriage certificate or a shared mailing address and can take the time that both of you need before leaping into long-term commitments.
Don’t force the issue. As good as your relationship is now, it could turn sour if you either convince or manipulate your friend to jump to a level that makes her uncomfortable.
If this relationship is too much for you and if you cannot handle your feelings or are not eating or sleeping properly, recognize that as your problem, not hers.
You might have to take a break from your friend, perhaps even end the relationship. As disappointing and hurtful as that would be, it is better for you than any anxiety and tensions.
If, on the other hand, you are able to deal with your emotional challenges, why would you not continue to enjoy your hours together until the time to get together is more appealing to both of you?
Check out Louann Brizendine’s The Male Brain. It might help you understand the situation between you and your friend more clearly.
