Q:I am writing because a friend of mine is looking to me to help her, and I am limited in what I can do. I told her I would try to find some help.
She is in her 60s and a farm wife. She had an emotional breakdown some time ago. She had medical help, but feels that medications have many harmful side effects that create new problems. Some people tried to steer her in the direction of alternate therapies, such as herbal products. She tried some, but feels confused by the conflicting information she gets.
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She needs someone to talk to, to listen to her and help her get to the root of the problem so she can start living again. I think I am a good listener and my life is well balanced. But I do not live near enough to be a light in her dark times.
As a child, her parents were hard on her, and used a lot of inappropriate physical discipline. She had so many responsibilities she had little time to be a child. She married and raised a large family. She has always worked hard in the community and on the farm. Her children are married and she has many grandchildren.
She never felt like she was a partner in the farm, even though she worked hard on it all her life. Since her breakdown a few years ago, she feels useless. She has trouble sleeping and little energy. She would like to get away from the farm once in a while, but her husband is too busy farming.
You could be describing thousand of older farm women across the Prairies. When you keep giving and never get back, you can develop emotional problems.
You are an important support for her. Keep in touch. Regular phone calls give her a chance to talk out feelings. Phone at times when these calls can be private. Ask her if you can check out mental health counsellors.
Encourage her to go to her local library and look up my columns on the topics of assertiveness and self-esteem.
Encourage her to continue with hobbies, but not with the same intensity as when she was young.
Regarding medications and alternative treatments, a pharmacist is the best person to talk to.
Herbal remedies must be used cautiously. Pharmacists also know how prescription medications may interact.
Talk to the children who she is closest to. Ask them to help her get in touch with someone to talk to.
Ask the children to let their father know that she needs some breaks from the farm.
After being a farm wife, a home manager, a mother, and a community worker for more than 40 years, she deserves some holiday time.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www.sasktelwebsite.net/petecope.
