Q: Our son in Grade 7 has no study habits. We have been trying to get him to understand that to get the marks he will need in the future, he is going to have to learn how to work, but he refuses to listen. He just plods along, wasting time reading science fiction and fantasy novels. What can we do to get him to understand that he needs to learn study habits now?
A: You may inadvertently be stirring your son’s anxiety rather than helping him to develop study skills. Being anxious means worrying too much about the future and not focusing clearly on what is happening in the present.
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In Multiple Intelligences, Howard Gardner tells us that intelligence is the ability to do well at what you prefer to do.
Perhaps your task is not to prepare you son for university but to help him identify what he enjoys doing and encourage those interests.
Talking to him about what he is reading and what he finds interesting will help him identify personal goals to follow later in life.
This is a long-term process, a never-ending conversation, which is not going to be resolved in one or two sessions.
Help your son find excitement in his school work to overcome the daily tasks in the classroom. Learning at any age can be rewarding and enjoyable.
What could be more rewarding than finally resolving a difficult math problem, learning about the mystery of the body or the universe, sharing the power of good literature or following the adventures of history?
They can be amazing, even to a 14-year-old boy who may be more determined to defy those concerned about him than he is to comply with their wishes.
We have a good education system but it only works to the extent that students let it work.
The more your son is able to understand what interests him, the more he will be able to find the excitement in learning and the better his chances are for taking advantage of what his school has to offer.
Let him know you also pursue your interests and that you love to learn about the world around you.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
