Several months ago, I invited readers to send me their comments about what makes a happy marriage. I did this because people sometimes complain that
I only write about marriage problems. That’s true, because the only letters I receive about marriage are about the problems.
I was disappointed that only one couple chose to write, even though there are many happy and fulfilling marriages. Are people too self-conscious to brag? We must get past marriage secrecy so that we can share and learn about the good things of marriage.
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It helps to talk about your marriage, as long as the person you talk to keeps it private and doesn’t “general call” it to the community.
I would like to share what one couple wrote:
“Yes, there are happy marriages. Ours has endured and strengthened over 20 years. We are both strong people and we complement each other.
“We have made it this far, despite the death of a child, financial setbacks and times I was obsessed about the farm. We have been sad, disappointed and angry at times, but we know that the situation could always be worse. The most fulfilling part of any day is an evening with my wife and children, doing the small things a family does. Truly THE reason to live.”
Their short description contains the key for a successful marriage.
They are obviously both committed to making the marriage work. I doubt if their marriage is perfect. Surprise. Marriage seldom is. They have had pain and frustration. They have had their mistakes and their weaknesses.
When one partner was worried about the farm, obsessively as he put it, he likely became wound up in himself and forgot about his partner’s needs.
They have evidently found how to experience enjoyment in the little things of life. Just being there with your partner in mutual support is what marriage is all about.
Marriage also involves honesty, and recognizing and handling the bad feelings that arise as well as the good. Marriage is not only for real. Marriage is being real.
I invite other couples to write to me about their struggles and successes.
