Q: When we were told that our nine-year-old son was a candidate for a gifted program for children who have above average abilities, we were pretty excited. We thought that his natural abilities might help him when he went off to college and prepared himself for the workforce.
Little did we realize how difficult life could be for him living in a small community. He gets called everything from geek to nerd to egghead. He has been bullied by kids and has no friends.
This is heartbreaking. We feel utterly hopeless.
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What can we do to help our son?
A: All schools are supposed to have anti-bullying policies in place. The problem is that your son’s abilities make him seem different from most of his classmates.
Like the ugly duckling story, your son is having a difficult time fitting in and developing a sense of belonging in the school.
In the Hans Christian Andersen tale, the ugly duckling is shunned not because he is ugly but because he is different.
The ugly duckling is heartbroken and wants to fit in and belong to something. He reaches out to a number of different groups in the farmyard, at neighbouring farms and other places but he gets pushed aside.
One day, after he has matured, the ugly duckling stumbles across a gaggle of swans. He does not realize it yet but he looks like the swans so they accept him.
Your son needs to find a place where he belongs. Your job is to encourage him to keep trying even when he has been disappointed. As tempted as you might be, don’t try to make things happen for him. He has to make his own way. Make sure that you are there with support when he comes home from another rejection.
No one ever said that the world is a fair and just place. Once your son finds his gaggle of swans, his place in the world, he will be excited. He just has to keep trying.
