Q: My mother is driving all of us crazy. She phones my home three, four or more times every week, always worried about something. With the economy in a downturn these days, she is convinced that I am going to lose my job, that our kids will come down with some kind of a life-threatening illness and that if I don’t quit smoking, I will surely be diagnosed with lung cancer. The fact I have not smoked for 17 years does not seem to matter. When not worrying about me and my family, she is driving my sisters crazy.
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I am sure that my mom means well and I appreciate her love for all of us but does she have to worry quite so much? Can’t she just let it be?
A: Asking a parent to stop worrying is like trying to stop the water from flowing through Niagara Falls. You might understand that more once your own children grow up and leave home.
Parents worry. It’s only natural.
It seems that your mom is taking her worries to extremes that are unhealthy for her and her children.
The question is what else is she doing?
If your mom is putting that much effort into worrying, she does not have a lot of time and energy to engage in other projects.
All of us need to have a purpose and a reason for being. We get that both from our families and communities.
If your mom was more involved in her community, she might focus less on you and your sisters.
Your mom is not likely to listen if you encourage her to get more involved in activities beyond her family. She will always have an excuse.
Talk to her and put together a schedule organizing her phone calls to your home.
If you have times, once or twice a week, that she can call for 15 minutes to chat, that will satisfy her need to know that all is well.
Hopefully, your sisters will also agree to a similar schedule for their phone calls.
They give all of you a chance for a little more sanity in your relationships and they give your mom a little more free time to get involved in other projects. She just needs to take advantage of them.
