Q:I saw your column about a girl who loved to please her teachers and now she is finding it difficult to succeed with work or university.
My grandparents died five years ago. I looked after them but since their death, something seems to be missing.
I’m 34, single, living alone and debt free and work with my dad on his farm. What I want is a family of my own, but I am finding it difficult to meet that special person.
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Dating websites have often turned out to be frauds. Do you have any thoughts?
A:While many people choose to pursue careers or other personal interests, most want to develop intimate relationships that ultimately lead to their own families.
Marital or intimate relationships are the most complicated of interpersonal relationships.
The pursuit of intimacy begins not with the want ads in the classified section of the newspaper, but with the development of interpersonal relationships knocking on your front door and drawing you away from family commitments.
You spent considerable time caring for your family, but young people need to mix with other young people and learn what does and doesn’t work in relationships.
This process of learning includes being either accepted or rejected by other people and learning how to deal with that.
This first phase of intimacy is social networking.
One young woman in search of a husband joined her church choir. That gave her the confidence to meet more people and she is now a happily married mom.
Don’t abandon your commitments to family members, but the search for intimacy requires that you take a break and focus on bringing new people into your life.
As you pursue social networking, you will find yourself gradually spending more time with acquaintances and getting to know them better.
You and your new friends will naturally start to pair off, laying the foundation from which you can build your dream of a family life.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
