A: I’ve been married close to 20 years and have three children. I really believe a good marriage comes from being honest with yourself, because if you cannot be honest with yourself, you can’t be honest with anyone else. The other important factors are respect and love, which develop from honesty and good communication.
We have had family losses, farming hardships and financial difficulties. But the key to marriage is to decide within yourself, and with each other, what your dreams and goals are and if these can become reality.
Read Also
VIDEO: Bittersweet harvest for this family farmhand
Bruce Burnett helps his brother harvest wheat and canola for the last time on the family farm in Manitoba where they both grew up.
Before my husband and I got married, one thing the minister said that stayed with us both was, “a marriage is not made up of 50-50. If it is, then you are only trying one half as hard. Sometimes, a marriage means 100 percent from either side.”
He was right. Although my husband and I have a lot in common, we are not an image of each other, but unique human beings. We are two separate individuals with our own thoughts, feelings and ideas. We need to respect that.
I also feel people overlook the true meaning of happiness, because they are so caught up in a material world. People can be provided with many material things, but may still not be happy. What is happiness? It is a human need that is often overlooked each day. What most people really want is to feel loved, respected and cared for.
I sometimes get caught up in fantasy land, thinking, “gee, it would be nice to have this or that,” or “it would be nice to go here or there.” Then, I stop and ask myself, “would this really make me happy?” The answer is no.
A happy marriage is to know that we cannot only be honest with ourselves, but with each other. After all, there is the old saying “what goes around, comes around.”
A: You shared some important insights into marriage. Although you may not have worded it exactly as what follows, I also heard the following messages in your letter.
- It takes two to make a marriage work. Unless both partners are ready to go 100 percent from time to time, the marriage becomes lopsided and eventually, abusive.
- Marriage doesn’t just happen. You work at it, day by day.
- The more you respect the differences between you and your partner, the more your love and affection tend to grow.
- Dreams and hopes are important in marriage, but you need to deal with realistic dreams of life. And, when you handle well what you have, you sometimes will end up getting more. Dreams can influence reality, but you can’t live in that dream.
- Happiness is not a destination you keep trying to reach. You are happy when you discover the good things that happen around you and fully accept and embrace them.
