Q: Although my wife and I separated close to two years ago, I am still closely involved with my children. We have three of them all younger than eight. They have their own bedrooms in my house and probably spend as much time here as they do in their mom’s house. We love to romp and play, read stories, run around the yard, and head over to the arena in winter either to skate together or to watch the local hockey teams.
The problem is that I know that I can go to the oil patch during the winter and make a lot of money. I would love to go there if only to help me upgrade my machinery without putting my farm too far into debt. But working in the oil patch would mean being away from the kids for at least four or five months of the year, and those times when I am at home would be the busiest times for the farm. My friends tell me that I should go and make the money, but I am not so sure. What do you think?
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A: I am not in a position to
decide whether you should take on the new job or stay home with your children, but let me give you a bit of information that might help you.
Contrary to what you might have heard from your friends, fathers are an integral part of the equation nurturing child development. Research tells us that aside from the clear messages you might give your children in gender identification, dads play significant roles in helping their children develop language and cognitive skills. They also help their children master the art of self-regulation in emotional development, and they are often role models for teaching their children appropriate social skills. The truth is that you, as a dad, are important to your children’s development and that your prolonged absence from the children could impede their natural growth and development.
Dads who contribute positively to their children’s growth and development have to be more than couch potatoes, or someone who is just present in the house but not really involved in the children’s daily activities. That is the advantage that you have. When you are with your children at your house, you have to get the meals on the table, tuck them in at night, dish out medicinal kisses for their owies, check mud puddles with them for those interesting frogs, and make sure that they get lots of hugs. You have to be involved with them. The relationships you are building with them are what will ultimately help them as they get older and find themselves needing your support when they are challenged by the ways of the world.
Your kids are lucky. Despite the separation, they have relationships with both parents. You might be living in separate houses, and maybe you and your former wife do not always get along with each other, but as far as the children are concerned, the fact each of you is involved in their lives is all that really matters. Let’s face it, the oil patch will always be there, but you only have one chance to enjoy the early years of your children.
