Q: Last night my granddaughter told me that she was planning to spend three weeks this summer hiking through the mountains.
I thought that was a splendid plan for a summer vacation but when she told me that she was going with two of her girlfriends and that they decided to leave their husbands at home, I got a little upset, or maybe just concerned. Apparently, her husband is going to stay home and put time in on a boat that he is building. I would never have left my husband at home while I was traipsing off on some kind of a holiday. My husband and I do everything together — shopping, holidaying, going to church or whatever. We always have done and we always will.
Read Also
Rural emergency room closures continue to be vexing problem
Staffing issues are at the root of disruptions and closures in hospital emergency departments, both in rural and urban Canadian locations.
Maybe if other people did what my husband and I do and did together, fewer of them would end up in divorce courts.
A: I am afraid that I am on your granddaughter’s side on this one. She obviously is determined to do something that is important to her, just as her husband is determined to do the same with the boat he is building. Each of them is pursuing interests that are particular to each of them alone. The extent to which this works for their marriage is the extent to which they are able to spend time together once she gets back from her hike in the mountains.
What an exciting time that could be for both of them. She will undoubtedly have stories to tell him about her adventures hiking up the side of a mountain and he can share with her the frustrations of perfecting the masterpiece of a boat he is assembling in their garage. The whole thing could enrich their relationship with each other.
Don’t get me wrong. I think that it is great that you and your husband enjoy spending so much time together. But it seems to me that if you are doing as much together as you say, then it could at times be difficult for one or the other of you. Often as not someone is doing something he or she does not enjoy all that much. Do you really believe that your husband honestly finds spending hours in a dress shop all that invigorating? Most guys I know do not enjoy shopping with their wives. For them, it is boring, and something that they might have to endure, but only because they care so much for the person with whom they are shopping and not so much for the shopping itself.
In today’s world an intimate relationship is like a three-legged stool. One leg is what is important to one of the partners. The second leg is what is important to the other partner. The third leg is the relationship itself. The stronger are the legs, the stronger is the relationship.
Your granddaughter is strengthening her relationship leg by pursuing her dream, hiking through the mountains. Her husband is strengthening his relationship leg by following his creativity while putting his boat together. The more that she and he talk together the stronger is the third leg of the stool, the relationship leg.
Marriages do not fall apart because either the first or the second legs get stronger. They fall apart when the third leg stalls, when the two of them are not talking to each other.
Let’s hope that your daughter finds the exhilaration for which she is looking on that mountain path. And let’s hope that the glass of wine she and her husband share when she gets back home is almost as exciting as the trek itself.
