Teen fears she is pregnant
Q: It has been almost two months since I had my last period. I think I may be pregnant. I live in a small town. I don’t want to go to the doctor here because everyone will find out. I can’t even get a home pregnancy test at the drugstore or gossip will start to fly. I only had sex once and I keep hoping it isn’t true. My parents will be so disappointed if they find out. I will have to forget about going to university. My life is a mess and nobody even knows. I cry myself to sleep every night. I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend freaked out when I told him, and I haven’t spoken to him in a week. What do I do now?
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A: You are jumping ahead and predicting the worst. You first need to find out if you are pregnant. Your local doctor and his nurse are bound by professional codes of ethics and cannot tell anyone, not even your parents.
But if you don’t want to talk to your local doctor, contact the public health nurse who visits your high school. I’m sure she will be willing to arrange to meet with you confidentially and could arrange for you to see a different doctor if you wish to confirm you are pregnant.
Having sex once can lead to pregnancy. If you are pregnant, you need to start right away to take care of yourself and the baby you may be carrying. Your parents will find out eventually, although you might be able to hide it for many months. But give them the chance to show their caring and support now, rather than later. If you are nervous about how to tell them, see if the public health nurse is willing to be with you then.
Yes, if you are pregnant, your life will be changed drastically. You will be faced with many decisions. And you must consider all of them seriously, whether to have an abortion or to carry through with the pregnancy, whether to keep the child or give it up for adoption, whether to involve your boyfriend and how much, if so. You need to get in touch with your inner feelings and values, and understand yourself well before making such decisions. Any big change in life is fearful, so don’t let fear determine your decisions.
You may honestly feel you aren’t ready to raise a child. Giving up a baby for adoption seems impossible for many new mothers.
But new “partnership” adoption plans can now be made, which allow you to be part of the child’s life, while another couple (who desperately want a family) raise him or her.
You said your boyfriend freaked out, but you didn’t say much about the nature of your relationship with him. Getting married because of a pregnancy seldom creates strong marriages. But when couples work on building their relationship first, and then get married, if it is what they both really want, their marriages tend to be stronger.
A pregnancy is best when it is planned, and when it occurs within a committed loving relationship. Yet, unexpected things happen.
But things such as university may only need to be postponed, not cancelled. You may be just facing a detour in life, not a dead end.
There are many people in your community and in your family who will help you. Make use of them.
