Finding a cool way to say no
Q: I was at a party with some friends last weekend and someone lit up a joint. The guys were passing it around the circle. I pretended I had to go to the bathroom and stayed in there until they were done. I can’t go to the bathroom every time, and I don’t want them to think I’m chicken. But there doesn’t seem to be a cool way to say no. What do I say next time so I won’t seem like a total dork?
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A:Peer pressure is real, but you are in charge of how much you let it get to you. Your slipping into the bathroom was creative and effective. But you are right, it will only work for so long. You need to develop other strategies for dealing with friends who have different ideas or values than you in some
areas of life.
You have the right to decide what you do with your life. Whether you smoke cigarettes or joints or drink is ultimately your decision. You are responsible for your choices. You don’t need to let others try to make them for you.
And despite the fact your parents may panic over it, you can be friends with people who have different lifestyles than yours, as long as you are firm about being in charge of your own life.
I recently counselled a young man who had been heavily using marijuana. A number of things happened that made him stop.
But his friends all smoked up. He told them he liked them as friends, but that he had given up that activity. If they wanted him as a friend, they would have to accept him as he was. And he didn’t want them smoking up at his place.
What others think of you (that you’re chicken) is only important to them. You don’t have to make it important for you.
If you keep reminding yourself of what you want to do in life, and even write these things down, you will be able to make the decisions that you want to make, not the ones your friends want you to make.
If they keep bugging you, and not respecting your decisions in life, then you need to think twice about whether they really are friends.
Prepare yourself
You will need to practise how to cope with and confront your friends. Stand in front of a mirror. Rehearse what you are going to say. Keep saying it in that mirror until you feel it.
Don’t get sucked into arguing with them. Instead, repeat what you told them earlier, calmly and firmly. If you expect that they will tease or ridicule you because of your position on marijuana, then be prepared, in advance, with some type of come-back.
For example, if they said, “You’re being ridiculous,” you could reply, “Yes, I am being ridiculous and I like it.”
