Social drinker or alcoholic?
Q: I go drinking with a group of my male buddies every Friday night. My wife resents the time I spend away from her and the fact that I usually sleep through most Saturday mornings. She says I have a drinking problem. I think she’s just annoyed about the time that I’m away from her. How can I get her off my back?
A: Maybe it’s not your wife that is on your back, but alcohol. A drinking problem is not defined by how often you drink. A person may only drink every few days, weeks or months. But if their drinking creates a problem in their personal lives, they have an alcohol problem.
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It is also not defined by how much you drink or what you drink. For some people, one drink always equals a drunk, or perhaps a blackout. Others don’t slow down quickly enough when they drink, or spot the “filled” sign. They figure they can handle “just one more,” usually over and over again.
They make up excuses to drink, such as “I just need one more for the road,” “I can’t leave (or stop) now, or my friends will laugh at me and call me henpecked,” “It’s not that late, yet,” or “Since I’m going to get hell anyway when I get home, I might as well stay and drink.”
What takes priority?
If your drinking leads you to disrespect your wife’s feelings, and steal time away from her (such as all Friday night, and most of Saturday morning) every week, then drinking has become more important than your marriage and that is a problem.
Here is my own version of AA’s 20 questions about drinking. Answer them honestly. If you say “yes” to one, it’s a strong sign that you have an alcohol problem. If “yes” to two, then you likely are an alcoholic. If “yes” to three, there’s no doubt, you definitely are an alcoholic and need to get help.
- Do you lose time from work or do poorly at work due to drinking?
- Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
- Do you drink because you are shy with others, and need a drink to be sociable?
- Is drinking affecting what others think of you?
- Have you ever felt badly or guilty after you’ve been drinking?
- Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of your drinking?
- Do you turn to people who are not as reliable when you drink?
- Does drinking result in your ignoring your family’s needs and well-being? Are you less respectful and considerate to your partner after you’ve been drinking?
- When you come home from drinking, are you irritable and cranky to your family, or do you tend to ignore them or withdraw from them?
- When you are drinking, do you usually end up drinking more than you planned to?
- Do you want a drink the next morning after you’ve been out drinking?
- Does drinking make it difficult for you to get a good sleep?
- Has your efficiency at doing things decreased since you’ve been drinking?
- Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
- Do you drink to escape worries or troubles?
- Do you tend to drink alone?
- Do you ever forget things after you’ve been drinking?
- Has your doctor ever treated you because of your drinking?
- Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
- Do you drink to be “one of the guys,” or to be accepted?
