Sending cards shows you care
Q: Is it appropriate to send my ex-brothers in-law a Christmas card?
A: I don’t usually answer questions related to etiquette in this column, but I suspect your question contains many emotions.
I see that it is not just about the Christmas card. It is about the larger problem of how you relate with your relations, if and when they are no longer your relations. People may stop being a spouse or a brother-in-law or sister-in-law, but they don’t stop being people. And you don’t have to suddenly treat them as if they no longer exist or if they are now “out-laws” instead of “in-laws”.
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If you want to send your former brothers-in-law a Christmas card, do so. That is your choice. It is a personal message from you to them.
If you even want to invite them over to your place during the holidays, that is your choice. But out of consideration don’t invite them at the same time you invite your sisters. If your sisters don’t want to see their former spouses over the holidays, respect that wish.
Get personal
One bit of advice to you and all readers. If you think that writing someone’s name on an envelope, signing a card, and then mailing it is Christmas greetings, I think you’re wrong. It’s not greeting, it’s processing.
Personal notes on Christmas cards, or even personal letters, are what puts the Christmas into a card. Caring and sharing is what the Christmas message is all about. So care enough to write a personal note and share some of yourself, whether it is going next door or across the continent.
Ruth and I began the custom of a Christmas letter 27 years ago, shortly after we were married. But even when the letters were mimeographed, we would add a personal line or two to each of the letters. After getting a computer 10 years ago, every Christmas letter was very personalized. And feedback from family and friends, particularly those far away, told us the letters were appreciated.
So however you communicate with people at Christmas, with cards or letters, remember to include in them two things which are an integral part of the Christmas celebration and story – caring and sharing.
Care enough to get in touch with friends and family, and share something about yourself when you do. This way you will be bringing a touch of Christmas to everyone on your list.
