MSW, RSW
Recommended reading for those going through divorce
Many people have to endure the pain of separation or divorce. A new Canadian book, The Seven Steps to a Successful Separation by Norma Walton, 1999, Perspectives Publishing House, $19.95 in soft-back, provides insight about this.
I’ve counseled numerous people through the extreme pain, anxiety, anguish and anger that often follow marriage breakdown. For facts and insights about the painful beginning of the journey, this is the best book I have found. Its seven steps focus on the stages in dissolving the legal status of a marriage and the emotions involved.
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Once people have a sense of the legal aspects of their situation, I highly suggest Bruce Fisher’s Rebuilding, which focuses on the emotional steps to take after separation.
Walton is new enough to the law profession to have energy and enthusiasm, but has practised long enough and worked with enough clients to understand the pain and challenges people go through with separation.
She follows a fictional client through a two-year legal and emotional journey, when her husband leaves her unexpectedly for another woman after a 13-year marriage. The story format makes for easy reading.
But within the story is a wealth of important legal information that anyone going through separation or divorce needs to know.
People need help to deal with their pain as it happens, often before they are ready for support groups. They also need clear facts about legal procedures that accompany divorce and separation, which may add to this pain when one or both parties won’t co-operate. Walton provides stories that help factually and emotionally.
Separation is a tragedy, for adults and for children. Nobody marries expecting to separate. The bubble bursts and everything falls apart. A dream has been lost by at least one of the two parties.
As a result, people are often overwhelmed emotionally and mentally with the processes of working out separation agreements, often in the face of spiteful hostility, which only costs both parties more money and emotional pain.
The success of this book is that Walton guides a reader through her mythical client’s journey, not in an authoritarian manner, but clearly and gently presenting the legal facts of the law as it applies to separation and divorce.
Her book is not meant to replace getting professional legal advice, but can help people to understand what is happening as they stumble along the journey of splitting up.
Walton doesn’t try to make her book all-inclusive. People are encouraged to read books that deal with many aspects of the emotional journey, books that help discuss the marriage break-up with children.
This is now on my “must buy” list for future clients dealing with separation and divorce or for a friend or family member who wants to understand and help someone going through the same.
Readers wanting titles of other books on separation, including those geared for children can contact me at 306-764-1214 or e-mail me at petergrif@sk.sympatico.ca.
