COPING

Several ways we use anger

Everyone experiences anger at times. Things happen that upset, disappoint, embarrass or threaten people in some way.

People can’t run away from anger. Eventually, they have to handle or use their anger. They can choose different ways and for different purposes. Some purposes are helpful, others only create more problems. Here are some common uses of anger.

To punish or get even – Some people use anger as a weapon. They hurl their anger at people or hit them with it, trying to make themselves feel better. They may feel better for a while, but their actions eventually come back to haunt them.

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As an excuse for their behavior – Some people use anger as an excuse. Rather than accepting responsibility for their behavior. they justify it on the basis that they were angry. To them, what they did was OK because of what someone else did to them. And the fact they felt anger is their copout from taking responsibility.
To punish yourself – Depression may be caused by anger that is internalized. Instead of expressing anger at the appropriate person or situation, some people punish themselves, emotionally and sometimes physically, with their anger. Self-harm or self-destruction may result from anger that is turned inward.

To control or threaten someone else – Anger can be a vicious weapon if used to try to control and manipulate others. Subtle or overt, a person’s anger can be expressed in ways that create fear and anxiety in other people.

You don’t have to threaten openly to hurt someone to make them anxious.

All you need to do is to get good and mad, have a threatening attitude and they’ll certainly feel anxious and uncertain about what you might do next.

To vent frustrations and clear the air – Anger can be a healthy way to reduce tension if you admit to it and express it the right way. It is OK to be angry. It is OK to tell others you’re upset about something. But it is not OK to imply that they are responsible for your being upset.

You are the only one who makes yourself angry, by what you think and say to yourself, and you are the only one who can reduce your anger. You do that by expressing your angry feelings, openly, honestly and fairly, and owning the responsibility for those feelings.

To solve problems – Sometimes we need to become angry before we have energy to deal with an unpleasant situation.

Anger can be an energy creator, but you don’t want your energy to spiral out of control and create more problems.

You can use anger to solve problems when you do the following:

1) You recognize you are angry, and that you are responsible for those feelings. If you’re not in charge of your feelings, take some time off by yourself to get in charge of those feelings, before confronting others.

2) You examine the facts of the situation that you are angry about. Then objectively sort out what is wrong or needs to be changed.

3) You communicate your anger to others without being abusive and perhaps ask for something to change.

4) Look at the various choices you have and choose one that takes care of you but respects other people.