Helping out on the farm
Q: I was born and raised on a farm. I left the farm after finishing school and now work in the city. I went away for further education, knowing that farming could not give me the income and the security I need to raise a family. I found a job, married and am raising a family in the city.
I’m the only son in the family, and have always used extended weekends or taken holiday time in spring and fall to help with the seeding and the harvest. My father farms on his own and is getting older. He doesn’t insist I come out, but I know I am really needed and appreciated.
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I feel a strong sense of duty to my father and the farm. It has been in the family for several generations. I realize I may eventually inherit the farm, and if so, I would like to farm it on a part-time basis, keeping my job in the city. I enjoy helping on the farm. But, going off to the farm creates pressures at home. My wife becomes a single parent for days at a time. And even if the family comes with me, I’m so busy working on the farm that they seldom see me. I feel torn between my job, my family and my friends in the city and my obligation to the farm.
A: Going home to the family farm can be a source of happiness, of pride and an escape from the pressures of city life. But at the same time, it can also be disruptive. It’s a continuous reminder of the effect a farm has on a person born and raised on it. You may be far away from the farm, with your own job, your own family and your own life, but the farm is like a stretched elastic band. It’s always there, pulling you back to it, especially at the critical times when your extra help can make the difference. The more you try to isolate yourself from the farm, the greater you likely feel that pulling, mainly in the form of guilt and obligation.
To balance your life better, you need to sit down with your parents and discuss your dilemma. It sounds like you want to retain your farm roots. You might like to farm when your father retires. Find out how he feels. Does he even think of retiring yet? How could you afford to buy him out to give him a retirement income? Maybe, like many farmers, he’s terrified about retiring. Ask him honestly what his retirement plans and estate plans are. Does he want to stay on the farm as long as physically possible?
Treat others fairly
Have this same discussion with your mother as each of them is likely the sole beneficiary of each other’s estate, and she may have different plans if she is left alone. If they also have daughters, they will want to treat them fairly. Would the long-term estate plans give you too much of a debt load to handle the farm on a part-time basis? Would he be willing to sell or turn over a portion to you early, so you could farm without a heavy debt load? Would your sisters rent their shares to you when they inherit it? These may seem like unpleasant issues but they are reality and if more families talked openly about them before parents died, there would be less squabbles later.
Explain your intentions
I don’t know if you’ve ever clearly told your parents that, after they retire from the farm, you would only be a suitcase farmer, doing the farming on weekends, except for the seeding and harvesting periods when the time away from work is understandably unpredictable. Tell them this, if that is what you intend to do. It’s only being fair to them.
I know of people who having been raised on a farm and set off to the city for a career, have given up that career and moved back to the farm full time.
But only you and your partner know what you want for yourselves and for your children. Being faithful to those desires as you wrestle with the demands of going back to help on the farm, or considering a future return to the farm is the best way to take care of yourself.
Try to distinguish between the times when your help on the farm is appreciated and lightens the workload on your father, and those times when your presence is urgently required to get the required work done. Again negotiate this with your parents and learn to recognize when that tugging elastic band says you are really and urgently needed.
