Life is full of questions, but often doesn’t provide the answers. We don’t need to look for questions in life. They come at us on a regular basis.
The author of Job in the Bible, and also more
recently author Harold Kushner, asked “Why do bad things happen to good people?” Kushner realized that he couldn’t find an answer to that question.
People raise questions when tragic events happen. Questions may come from the many ironical, stupid or frustrating parts of life.
When you deal with a question of choice between several options, you have two choices.
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You can worry about what to do, and use up energy unnecessarily.
Or you can sort through your
options, the risks involved, and how likely you’ll carry through with them. Eliminate the less attractive options, or imagine what each choice would
be like.
People look for answers to questions in many places. All these places may be appropriate in their own way. Some people read books, which is great. But if you read 200 self-help books and don’t take any action, were the books helpful?
You can consult other people, friends or
counselors. This is helpful, since it is often hard
to be objective when working on your own.
But you must share your story with others and not let false pride stop you from reaching out. If you reach out to others for advice, make sure they are good resources and have accurate information.
There is more bad advice than good out there.
When men take a “time-out” in the New Choices For Men program, we suggest it may help to talk to someone else.
However, we don’t advise them to look for help in the bar or phone up an old buddy who has the same problem. Instead of helping the man think more reasonably, such a buddy will likely reinforce his abusive ideas about his right to tell his partner what to do. That’s why many of these men carry the phone numbers
of other group members or group leaders in their wallets.
One way to find answers to certain questions is to experience the issue you are dealing with in your head, as well as in your heart, and occasionally with your hands. Try out a certain line of work that you are thinking of doing before you spend a lot of time and money training for it.
Getting to know someone well, before you get married or start to live with them, also makes sense. A large number of people who become sexually active or move in together soon after meeting each other have serious problems in their relationships
later on.
Take a step back
Another source for answers is what is often called “inner personhood” works, where you look at yourself, almost at a distance, and discover things you may not have realized before. You can do this through personal reflection, meditation and prayer.
Recovering alcoholics often have many questions about how they will be able to stop or avoid drinking. But getting anxious about it only increases risk of drinking. Many focus on meditation, prayer and serenity to help themselves. Some may use the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as their bible. Others use the Bible itself for reflection. Others develop a faith that helps them understand they are never alone, and that the Holy Spirit is with them in their need.
Whenever you face difficult questions, take a step back. Don’t let the question overwhelm you. Don’t search for THE ANSWER impatiently or obsessively. If you do, you’re sure not to find it. Take an inventory of your answer-seeking skills and styles and other resources at your disposal.
Then, embark on a journey of discovery – of yourself and the world around you. This will most likely help you discover a number of possible answers to your situation in life.
