Q: Something is wrong here. When my wife and I go out in the evening to a social, I am usually ready to come home shortly after we get there but my wife isn’t. That is when she is just starting to get excited and she wants to stay for the duration of the evening.
You can bet that this has led to a number of misunderstandings between the two of us, a push/pull thing with me wanting to go and her wanting to stay. My wife thinks this is all my fault, that I have some kind of a thyroid problem and that I should go to talk to our family doctor.
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She thinks that I need to have more energy. But when I am driving around the fields in my tractor, I can go for hours without a break. I do not think that my energy is a problem. If I am right, then what is the problem?
A: My best guess is that nothing is wrong with either you or your wife. In all probability, the two of you are carrying different personality types and you have not yet figured out how to work through your differences.
You sound like you are the typical introvert. An introvert is someone who gets his or her energy from some inner source. The myth is that introverts are shy, withdrawn and lacking in social skills, and that they do not like being with other people.
Introverts can have good social skills and be just as fond of other people as anyone else. They just happen to prefer being alone.
Extroverts are different. They get their personal energies from being around other people. You have probably noticed that your wife gets more active during your social gatherings. The more she is involved with others, the more energy she has.
The myth of extroverts is that they need to be the centre of attention at all times, are flamboyant and psychologically healthier than introverts are.
Extroverts do not need to attract attention. They just want to be in the heart of the group. The problem for you and your wife is that she is trying to change you into an extrovert. At the same time that you are encouraging her to leave the party, you are also ignoring her needs and trying to change her into following your introvert ways.
This is not working for either of you. Your best bet is to accept each other as you are and structure your relationship around the differences.
Your wife might entertain her friends while you are in the field on the tractor. There is nothing that says you must both come and go to social events together. You could go to the party later, when your wife is still enjoying herself and when you have energy to keep things going for both of you.
I suspect that when you get into it, the compromises and accommodations that you and your wife make to each other will be most rewarding.
