I often get letters from retiring farmers who thought they had a clear understanding of the business and financial relationship with their children.
Yet, after retirement or after one parent dies, the so-called arrangement turns out to be remembered in different ways by family members. Conflict between sons and daughters and their parents often results.
I also hear about sibling conflict that was hidden and silent until the siblings were forced to work with each other in running the family farm.
Alliances or tensions between adult children and their siblings or siblings’ partners can
Read Also
Restaurant blends zero waste, ancient farming
A Mexico City restaurant has become a draw for its zero-waste kitchen, which means that every scrap of food and leftovers is reused for other purposes.
get what from whom, resulting in anger,
jealousy or resentment.
It is difficult to refer to specific letters in my column without treading on the issue of family confidentiality. Most farm families don’t want their neighbours to be aware of their conflict. Neighbours usually are aware of the existence of problems, if not details. And being neighbours or friends, they are reluctant to become involved when people turn to them for support.
Parents often want to pass on the farm to their children. If children respect their parents and manage the farm well, that is fine.
Parents must also respect their children and assess if their offspring have the skill, experience and emotional maturity to handle what they are taking over. Parents must also look at their own financial security for retirement when deciding how to ease out of farming.
Clear communication is important. I heard a CBC radio program recently about three adult children who had taken over their late father’s communication empire based in
Winnipeg. They said written documents were important in their business relationship.
Equally important was checking with each other, rather than on each other, regarding the ongoing business.
They avoided interfering in each other’s section of the business by trusting each other and keeping lines of communication open. Unless multi-generational family farm operations do this as well, tensions and rigid positions can easily develop.
Problems often arise because family members did not bring in a mediator or neutral businessperson to help them decide what they want to do. Mediators are trained specifically to help people make mutually agreeable plans or to help them find a solution to the conflict.
Mediators may be trained in law or counselling, but have specific skills that focus on helping two or more parties reach a mutually
acceptable settlement. Most are listed in
telephone directories and their fees are usually reasonable.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www.sasktelwebsite.net/
petecope.
