Concrete barriers are set up on mountain highways to hold back the rubble that falls down a cliff after it rains or snows. If the barrier was not there, the rubble would fall on the highway and create a hazard.
In a similar way, anger can pile up in your personal life, tumbling down from the past. It can block you if you don’t recognize it or take steps to avoid running into it.
Anger is a complex feeling. It involves memories, present situations and worries about the future. Sorting out which anger you are dealing with is important in taking care of yourself.
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Anger is often difficult to recognize and deal with. Unless we recognize the feelings that lie under anger, such as frustrations, irritation, guilt, fear or embarrassment, it is hard for us to challenge our thoughts that sustain and escalate anger. Anger that we can’t handle for ourselves usually gets passed on or dumped onto others.
Rubble anger is from the past. But we often tend to treat it like the present, with unhealthy results. People need to recognize and clear up this anger to handle their present objectively.
One way to recognize rubble anger is to write yourself or someone else a note. Jot down the details of the events that are related to your anger. Note exactly when those events took place.
Once you’ve written down the event, write down your memory of the feelings you experienced at that time. Perhaps it wasn’t safe to let your anger out then. If so, write down why. Then, write down what you can do now about the past. Are you able to crumple up the note and throw it in the garbage? If you can, let go of it.
Can you tell the person who may have hurt you about your rubble anger? Can you work on forgiving them?
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www3.sk.sympatico.ca/petecope.
