Q: In the past few months our eight year old has turned into a hypochondriac. If her ankle isn’t sprained, she has a bad headache or a stomach ache. Last night she had a mysterious chest pain that prevented her from lying flat. It flared up right at bedtime, naturally. Coincidentally we were tending to her little sister, who was sick with a bad cold and the flu. We’ve read The Boy Who Cried Wolf to her in hopes she’ll catch on, but she seems destined for an Oscar, to be presented in her hospital bed, of course. We don’t want to overlook genuine pains or illnesses, but we are frustrated by her constant complaints. What should we do?
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A: Many parents face the bind of when to ignore a child’s physical complaints and when to respond to them. This situation is compounded by the fact that doctors and nurses are often hesitant to make any diagnostic conclusions over a phone call, but usually want the person to come to be examined in person. This is awkward in rural areas where health centres are often a long drive away. It also adds to the pressure of emergency rooms and ultimately to our health budgets.
Teach her some self-care techniques with respect to strained or aching muscles and insist that she take care of herself. If you have some tension bandages on hand, she can use them if she wants. But don’t pay attention to it.
If she has a stomach ache, it may be related to tension or stress. Having her rest or relax without the stimulation of television or computer, or giving her warm milk rather than sweets, may help her feel better, both physically and emotionally. If she has a headache, have her lie down and relax. Again a non-stimulating environment will help with tension. Stop in periodically to see if she is feeling better, and when her headache subsides, encourage her to become active again in what she was doing.
Make it clear that these are not punishments, but just natural consequences that everyone needs to do for themselves when they are not feeling well.
Sibling rivalry is another factor. I wonder how she reacted when she had a new baby sister?
If you can find some activity she can do to help around the house and give positive rewards of attention when she does them, it may take her mind off herself and her need for attention. Also, comment positively on things she does, perhaps not directly to her in the form of praise, which could reinforce attention-getting behaviour, but rather in appreciative comments between you and your spouse about her behaviours and her abilities, made in a way that she overhears them.
If a pain occurs that seems real such as abdomen tenderness and severe and sharp headaches that do not respond to the above strategies, then it is time to consult someone. In Saskatchewan, a 24 hour telephone line staffed by registered nurses is available by calling 877-800-0002.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www.sasktelwebsite.net/petecope.
