Q:Our daughter used to be the greatest kid, polite and considerate, and always on top of her school work.
But since she turned into a teenager, she has become something else. She and her friends are so boy crazy that at times, my husband and I can barely stand to be around them.
Nothing else has changed. We live in the same house with the same rules and regulations.
Can you tell us what is going on or what we can do about it?
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A:Your daughter is growing, and at early adolescence, she is growing more than she has at any other time.
You have probably noticed that nothing is consistent about what is taking place.
One moment her feet are growing, then her arms and legs take off , and somewhere along the way, the rest of the body catches up.
What is not obvious is that various parts of your daughter’s brain are also growing at different paces and times.
Chances are that the part of her brain that controls her emotions is developing more quickly than is that part of her brain that encourages rational thinking.
If that is true, she may be more emotional, which explains the boy craziness. Don’t despair. Your daughter may never be the sweet and innocent child she once was but she can become as responsible and sensitive as you expect her to be.
The parents’ job is to make sure that she does not hurt herself while going through adolescence.
Your daughter needs more guidance from you now. If her emotional development is outpacing her rational and sensible character, she needs you to help her put some controls in place.
She might need stringent curfews, and more encouragement to finish her homework and chores.
She needs help with the self control with which she is struggling.
Parents do well when they take their responsibilities for their early adolescent children seriously.
Don’t forget that this is where the beginnings of teenage pregnancy are found, the springs for nurturing drug and alcohol addictions are developing, confrontations with the law can begin and self-esteem for many children is more fragile than it ever has been.
Your daughter needs the two of you to work together for her wellbeing, loving her and sticking with those family rules she would rather ignore.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact:
