Freelance Columnist
opinion
Q: My boss continually displays erratic and neurotic behavior. For example, he often begins to rant, rave and flail his arms, just from reading the newspaper. Then he will rip the article up. He’s in his mid-40s, married with a family. He seems to be involved in many sports, especially jogging, almost to the point of being obsessed. He doesn’t seem to be abusive toward his family or children, but I may do something to upset him some day and I am fearful about how he might react.
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I am worried about his behavior. I wish to help. But because he is my boss, I am in a sensitive position. Is he showing signs of stress or perhaps a mid-life crisis?
A: You are definitely caught in the middle. You don’t have the right to tell your boss how to live his life. You do, however, have the right to tell him if his behavior is abusive and non-acceptable.
Although he may feel that his anger or explosive behavior, is not directed at you, you are getting a lot of the fallout from it. And you have the right to help yourself by challenging his behavior when it affects you. Nobody needs to endure abusive behavior from other people at work, whether from a boss, a colleague or a subordinate.
It’s not clear if you’re working for a small firm and your boss is the owner-manager, or if he is a manager within a larger corporation. In the latter situation, you have the option of going above his head, if necessary, and quite likely your job would not be placed in jeopardy if you handled things ethically and objectively. However, if he is the owner and your boss, which I suspect, it’s much more difficult. You can still take steps to take care of yourself, and perhaps indirectly help him.
Keep a detailed diary or journal of these episodes. Note the time, the date, the situation, exactly what he said or did, etc. At a time when he is not obviously highly stressed, tell him that you need to discuss how some of his behaviors have affected your work performance and work satisfaction. Indicate your concern. Encourage him to contact some helping person in the community, whether a doctor, a counsellor or even me, at 306-764-1214, if he would like to change what you have described to him.
Behavior causes stress
I suspect that, like many men, he is quite obsessive and doesn’t realize how obsessive behavior reduces a person’s ability to handle stress and increases their tendency to blow up emotionally. He is likely so oriented to activity and tasks that he has limited energy to deal with emotional issues. I also suspect he has very limited knowledge and awareness about his emotional needs or how he handles them.
Don’t try to be his problem-solver, since too many things can backfire if you do. He may either dump more of his anger and frustrations, or even worse, he might start to become emotionally dependent on you, which would be unhealthy or even disastrous.
If he is interested in more information, you could give him the address of Sunrise Specialty Books, 2727 – 2nd Ave., Prince Albert, Sask., S6V 5E5, 306-764-2242. They distribute the following information package of mine. All prices include postage: Anger $4, Assertiveness $4, Communication $4; Confidence/Self-Esteem $5 and Stress $5. For yourself try the package Assertiveness.
I also recommend the following books: Asserting Yourself by Gordon and Sharon Bower; Talking to Yourself and Self Assertion for Women, both by Pamela Butler.
