Q: My girlfriend and I are busy looking for a new house to buy so that we can move in together with her two small children from her first marriage. The children spend little time with their father and are apparently looking forward to this move. I have never had any children and being expected to suddenly pick up that responsibility is somewhat overwhelming. What do you suggest?
A: The first thing that you can do is get yourself off the hook. Your girlfriend’s children already have a father and do not need another one. This is not to suggest that you cannot be important to them.
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Many people have relationships with their step-parents that are more significant than with their natural parents. But a step-parent is not the significant parent and the more that you understand that you can be a great friend to the children and leave the parenting to their mother and to their absentee father, the better are your chances for a good relationship.
The most significant moment you can invest in the children could come when you play with them.
The learning potential of play with a parent is amazing. The first is that children can learn patience. In some cases, both the children and the parents/step-parents need to court patience a little bit more.
Children can learn problems solving through play. What better way to learn about problem solving than to try to figure out how to get rid of that pretend monster trying to eat him up?
Children learn social skills through play and by playing, they get a chance to practise their own creativity. It is great to see the creative child and even greater to be a part of it. Enjoy the moment.
If your girlfriend’s children have not spent much time with their own father, they may have an unrealistic expectation of what dads are all about. Don’t try to be more than you are.
Just playing on the floor, playing pretend games and being that humble guy who loves the kids is going to do more for those children than you can possibly imagine.
