Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years now. Perhaps one day we will get married, but right now we are not sure, and it is not an issue for either of us. The issue for us is children. We have a great house in a good neighborhood and both of us are well established in our careers. It is time to have a family.
The problem we are having is with his parents. Both of them are smokers. They do not seem to appreciate or understand the significance of it but I do not enjoy being around them and I certainly do not want them smoking around our children. My boyfriend is reluctant to approach his parents about their smoking but if he doesn’t do it now, it is going to be an issue for all of us when our babies start coming. What do you suggest?
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A: You need to deal with this long before you start having a family. I suspect that if you approach your boyfriend’s parents and ask that they not smoke, you are going to meet with some resistance.
The sad reality is that quitting smoking is difficult. The addictions counsellors tell me that nicotine is the most difficult of all addictions. It is more of a problem than either street drugs or alcohol.
You can expect your boyfriend’s parents to tell you that they have tried to quit smoking but they were unable to do so.
At least half of those who currently smoke have tried to quit within the last year and a third of those have tried to quit more than once.
Statistics show that people in Canada are quitting smoking in droves. In 1965, 49.5 percent of the people living here smoked (62 percent of the men and 38 percent of the women).
Today less than 15 percent are smoking. That is a huge change. It means that if all of those other men and women can quit smoking, so can your boyfriend’s parents. It’s difficult but not impossible.
You can help. Part of the reason for the success in challenging smoking is that governments throughout Canada are restricting areas in which people are allowed to smoke.
Sitting down for a beer and smoke in the local pub is not an option anymore. Just about all of our public venues have smoking restrictions that helpssmokers at least control their habits and in many cases encourage them to quit all together.
You cannot do much about your boyfriend’s parents’ home but you can control your own. Let his parents know that your children will not be visiting their house as long as they are smoking and when Mom and Dad come to your house, they will not be allowed to smoke there.
That might give them incentive to quit.
If your boyfriend’s parents are trying to quit smoking, please support them as much as you can. They might be a bit edgy and they are likely to gain a pound or two or be unable to concentrate.
Don’t be critical or nag and be patient. Their nicotine crisis will pass and once they have recovered, they will again be the people you know them to be.