Family members do their best to enjoy family get-togethers. Such occasions are usually happy.
But if families have a history of tension between different members, what starts off as a joyous reunion can quickly turn into an emotional family crisis. Families need to spot and deal with family tensions before they ruin a happy occasion.
Recognize the needs of the various people and the generations who may be visiting together. Young children can often become hyperactive at such gatherings. Their behaviour may be fuelled by a combination of excitement, fatigue and too much sugar or chocolate. Physical activity is often a good way to tone down a child’s excessive energy. Have the children do something outdoors, such as playing in the snow or sledding. Older adults often enjoy a rest or brief nap if the family visit is long.
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Monitor alcohol use at family gatherings. If you are the host, limit your intake so you are alert and able to deal with issues that may arise. If some family members tend to drink too much, put away the alcohol after the meal, and only offer a drink when you know someone can handle it.
If a relative tries to tell you how you should raise your children or handle a situation, tell them firmly that you are their parent and you do not wish input or advice from them at this time. You may have to repeat this a few times to some family members. If this becomes necessary, then keep calm, and simply repeat the previous statement, without turning up the volume of your voice.
Respect those who want to talk, as well as those who may want to watch TV. Breaking off into interest groups after the meal is a common habit in families.
If you disagree strongly when politics or religious issues are raised, you have two choices. If possible, ignore the comment and don’t reply to it. If the person persists, tell them you don’t wish to talk about it at that time. If that doesn’t work, excuse yourself from the room. You might say you need to use the bathroom. Then go in and read a magazine for a few minutes to distract yourself from the upsetting issue.
You might say you need some fresh air. A walk will cool you off in more than one way.
If family disagreements arise, it is important to back up your spouse, not because you may agree with them, but because he or she needs to know that the most important support person in her life is listening and backing her up. Many marriage problems begin when one partner feels that the other is not being supportive. The disagreement can be handled best later on between the two of you, without an audience taking sides with one or the other.
The key to prevent family fun from turning into a family feud is to stop a problem as soon as it comes up. Wherever possible, divert the conflict instead of confronting it.
