Q: I get disgusted with myself for a lack of confidence. I stop myself from trying any number of things for fear that my feeble attempts will make a fool out of me. What can I do so that I can be free from this burden and get involved in activities, like dating women, that I am too unsure to consider doing.
A: All of us have weaknesses, things about ourselves that we would like to either improve or eliminate. The starting point is to accept them for what they are and don’t fight them.
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Think of yourself as a coach of a football team with a weak defence. Would you go to game trying to pretend that your defence is better than it is or would you recognize the weakness and try to get your offence to score more points and recruit better defensive players. In your case, trying to pretend that you have more confidence in yourself than you have could be disastrous. The odds are good that you would meet your worst fears, make a fool of yourself and get more discouraged.
Once you have accepted your lack of confidence as part of who you are, you can take the next step. Document your strengths, including the simplest and most complex from brushing your teeth to rewriting programs for your computer. My guess is that if you compare the lists, you will be surprised to find more strengths than weaknesses.
The next task it to build on your strengths. Think again of the football coach. If he is sitting in the locker room with the best quarterback in the league, he is going to make sure that his team will benefit by building a strong offensive line to protect the prized player and ensure good receivers are in place to catch the balls.
What are your strengths? If you’re great in the garden, then work on that. You are going to meet people at the local horticulture fair, or while you are attending classes. When you meet people there, you are mingling with them in your comfort zone within the familiarity of your strengths.
The more time you spend working on your natural abilities, the less time you will have trying to convince yourself that you are less than adequate. Obviously you will become more confident but this takes time and you will not change overnight.
