Q: My grandson brought his boyfriend over to his mother’s house last Sunday for all of us to meet. Apparently this was some kind of a coming out ceremony.
I really love my grandson and I would do anything to not hurt or disappoint him, but I have to admit that I am struggling with this whole gay thing. Homosexuality was outlawed when I was young. It was considered immoral and sinful, and homosexuals were not allowed into whatever activities we had planned for our children.
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I understand that all of that was wrong, and I am proud of our communities for being more accepting .
However, to be honest, I still struggle with this on a personal level.
I was not comfortable when my grandson and his friend were flirting with each other and I was scared beyond reason that they might kiss or hold hands in front of us. What can I do to overcome all of these personal misgivings?
A: I admire your honesty.
It would be easy to pretend that you are accepting of your grandson’s relationship with his boyfriend, but somewhere along the way your dishonesty would likely unveil itself and your credibility with your grandson would suddenly disappear.
The starting point as you develop a more accepting attitude is to remember that both your grandson and his friend are two wonderful people.
Each of them has stories to tell and talents to be admired. The more you get to know these young men, the less it will matter what their sexual orientations might be.
Your sexual relations with your husband were not something discussed at will in your community. It was a private matter. The same is true for your grandson and his boyfriend.
Whatever happens between them is highly personal and private.
The trend over the past few years has been for our communities to become more open and accepting of sexual identities, and that is wonderful. It means that our friends do not need to hide under veils of presumed normality. Neither do they have to believe that they are disappointing and hurting their families.
Gays and lesbian can be as open and honest about their sexual orientations as they want to be and still be integral parts of their communities. This has been a long time coming but it’s wonderful that it is finally here.
