Q: Grandma finally told us how difficult life was for her as a young girl growing up on the farm. Apparently the little house on the Prairies, the life of the pioneer, was not always as wonderful as we have been told. Grandma lived in an abusive environment. Her dad beat her, her brothers, sisters and mother indiscriminately, depending on his mood and sobriety at the time. It was hidden behind closed doors. No one in the community knew of this violence.
Grandma’s father was well liked and respected by his peers and when Grandma tried to tell school teachers, a doctor and minister, they shrugged her off. All that her father had to say was that Grandma was a difficult child and he was off the hook. No one supported her.
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Are things getting better and safer for families today or are people, just like my grandma, hiding their abuse under the table?
A: Abuse is a difficult and complex subject. When your grandmother was a girl, the resources available for families were virtually non-existent. The courts, medical professions and churches tended to turn a blind eye to families struggling with abusive parents.
They were even less supportive if that abuse included sexual intrusions. Children growing up in these circumstances could only hope to find someone who cared and supported them until they were able to leave home.
Home life on the Prairies is a lot safer today. We have a number of social service agencies that support children. Schoolteachers, ministers, doctors and nurses have all been trained to be sensitive to the abused child and families.
Despite the leap forward in social sensitivity, abuse continues to be an issue on the farm and in communities. A number of children are too intimidated to report their parents and even those parents who have been reported are not necessarily picked up by the courts.
When you find children who are shell shocked, too intimidated to appreciate the company of others or shy beyond reason, you have to wonder what is going on in their homes.
All provinces have social service agencies to which abuse should be reported. You do not have to handle this alone.
