Q:My mother goes from one catastrophe to another. If she is feeling out of sorts, she thinks that she is going to die. If one of her friends forgets to call some evening, she thinks not only that her friend does not like her, but that her friend is busy turning the community against her. My mom is 74 years old, in great health, married to my dad who is completely devoted to her and she has three children who are willing to help out whenever Mom and Dad need a hand. So why does she always overreact and what can we do to help her?
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A:It appears that your mother has put herself into an all or nothing world. Her ability to see daily problems as little challenges in life that can easily be resolved is severely limited.
It means that she goes from one catastrophe to another and she is caught in overwhelming anxiety. It means also that she seldom has the time to stop and enjoy life’s blessings. She is too busy wondering whether or not they will be taken away from her.
Helping your mother break free from this attitude is a job for a professional. You can best help by encouraging her to attend sessions with her local mental health counsellor.
This is not going to be a quick and easy fix. She has likely been like this most of her life and it will take time to work it out.
While she is in counselling, she will need support and encouragement. You may need to constantly remind her that she is a valuable person.
Like many women her age, she is probably wondering if her life continues to have a purpose. The more you let her know how you and your children treasure time with her, the better are her chances of recognizing her own merits.
Try not to get caught up in her catastrophes. You may know that she is overreacting and are tempted to point out how irrational her concerns are. But try looking for other ways that you can engage her and give her whatever time she needs from you.
Let her struggle a bit with problems and celebrate with her when she begins to master the task. Whatever mastery she is able to harvest from her achievements is fodder for that self-worth she is building.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
